


I Said Hello and I Never Got To Say Goodbye

by fanfiction_fanfriction



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfiction_fanfriction/pseuds/fanfiction_fanfriction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray didn’t know if he should scream or cry so he just did it internally and went to work anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Said Hello and I Never Got To Say Goodbye

Ray stumbled into work that morning, his heart heavy with grief, a storm cloud of depression loomed over him. He knew he should’ve taken the day off but he’ll be taking some time off soon. When he got the news that morning he didn’t know what to do, he felt lost.  
He got the news that morning that Joel had died from his injuries. Joel was dead and Ray was lost. Ray didn’t know if he should cry or scream so he did it internally.  
When he walked through the door Kara gave him a sympathetic look; he didn’t need sympathy, he needed Joel.  
He got to office and instinctively looked at his phone to see if Joel sent him anything but there was nothing, only the one missed call from the hospital the first time they called him. Joel was put into the hospital after a car accident, Ray walked away with some bruises but Joel was a wreck. Ray had his hopes up that Joel would get better but he never did and never will.  
His chest feels heavy and so does his stomach, he feels like a weight with nowhere to go. He pushes everything aside and starts to work but he has trouble focusing, he just wants Joel, he wants Joel to make it better but he’s gone.  
Ray runs his fingers through his dark hair.  
Halfway through the day Burnie comes in and asks for Ray. Ray gets up and walks with Burnie to his office.  
Burnie talks but Ray doesn’t listen, Ray’s keeping the tears and scream back.  
“Are you listening to me?” Burnie asks, his voice holding sympathy.  
Ray barely gets out “No, I can’t.”

“I’m saying you should go home and sort everything out; someone else can take over your work. Right now is not a good place for you.” Burnie re-explains.  
“I don’t think I’ll get better.” Ray mumbles gravely.  
Ray’s mind flashes to all the moments he had with Joel; their first meeting, that one video, their first date, Ray moving in, their late night talks, their plans. Their plans, their fucking plans. To marry in New York and get a dog, maybe adopt a kid, live somewhere nice and bigger, but that will never happen, not anymore anyway.  
“Go home kid.” Burnie suggests.

“Don’t call me ‘kid’ anymore.” Ray replies as he gets up.  
He leaves his office and he can feel the tears push against his eyes. He remembered Joel blabbering on about how amazing the restaurant they were going to was and how great their pasta was then flash and boom, the car in ruins and Ray seeing Joel’s limp body.  
Ray can’t think, he can’t dream and he can’t play any game to make the pain go away because his life is a game over.  
He walks out of the office and goes back to Ray and joel’s shared apartment. He unlocks the door and half expects Joel to jump out and scare him as he usually would to show that Joel was no old man but there was no one.   
The place felt cold and lonely, everything still in place. This place will never move on like Ray as the rest of the world would.  
The pain grows and Ray feels blinded and lost. He sits on the couch and everything collapses on him like a ton of bricks.  
First he lets out a scream then the scream turns into a sob.  
He mutters out “Why’s and profane language. He wants to break something but he doesn’t want to ruin anything and keep everything in his place.  
He gets up, tears still streaming down his face. He moves slowly to the kitchen and grabs a knife from the kitchen, he looks at the blade and chokes out more tears.  
This isn’t want Joel would’ve wanted, if there is a heaven and they meet again Joel will scold him but, right now the pain is nothing to what a knife will ever do.  
“I said hello and I never got to say goodbye and I never ever wanted to say goodbye to you.” He sobs out.  
He moves to their shared bedroom and lies down and looks at Joel’s side.  
The cold emptiness, a place that will never be filled ever again.  
He sits up and goes to Joel’s desk. He sits down and writes. He writes something he’d know Joel would be upset over, a letter, a suicide letter.

Dear Whoever reads this,  
I can’t do it, I know I may seem weak but I can’t. This pain is killing me, nothing will ever be alright. I’m lost and alone. The word sad cannot describe how I feel right now. I could not describe in words I felt about Joel and I can’t describe in words how I feel about him being gone, I guess he left me lost for words and just lost.  
I can’t anymore, no one can stop me from doing this and I hope whoever reads this will understand it. You did not do anything to cause this, losing the only person I wanted to spend a lifetime with did.  
Maybe I’ll meet Joel in heaven or hell or wherever but if he’s there, I’m up for anything.  
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I hope my family will understand and all of Rooster Teeth.  
I hope the pain goes away soon.  
I really hope it does

-Ray.

He gets up and leaves the paper on the desk then walks back to the bed except on Joel’s side. He looks at the knife and then his arm. He knows it will hurt but it will make it stop.  
He drags the knife along his skin and it start to bleed. He drops the knife and holds Joel’s pillows tightly as blood stains it but it doesn’t matter, not anymore.  
He feels light headed from blood loss. After crying and bleeding, he slips away and everything is now numb. He hopes that there is an afterlife and Joel will be there, and everything will be okay.  
A few hours later Burnie goes to visit Ray. He knocks on the door and there is no reply, he knocks again, nothing. He calls a locksmith to get the door open.  
The locksmith gets the door open and Burnie goes in, nothing broken and everything untouched.  
He walks to the kitchen and notices a knife missing.  
“Shit.” He says before running to Ray and Joel’s bedroom.  
Burnie opens the door and sees a single light on from Joel’s desk and Ray on the bed.  
His arm and all of the bed stained red.  
“No.” Burnie says as he approaches the younger man.  
He checks his pulse, nothing. Burnie takes out his phone and calls 9-1-1 as he starts to cry.  
He wasn’t one to cry but today was different, Ray was gone and so was Joel.  
Burnie then calls the others and tell them to meet him at Ray and Joel’s apartment. He looks around the room and notices the letter.   
He goes over and picks up the paper then reads it.  
“Fuck Ray.” Burnie chokes out quietly.  
He looks over to the dead boy and says “It will be okay Ray, it will.”   
Burnie sets the letter down and leaves the place and sits outside in the hallway.  
Gavin and Michael are the first to show up and then the police and paramedics.  
Others come along as well and watch as Ray gets pulled out on a stretcher.

“Do you think what he did was right?” Geoff asks as he runs his fingers through his hair as he slumps against the wall.  
“If that was the only way for him to see Joel again then yes.” Burnie replies.  
A week later both Joel and Ray were buried side by side, both of their families were there along with all of Rooster Teeth.  
Nobody knew about the letter till that day when Burnie read it out to everyone. The content of that letter stayed with everyone, especially Burnie.  
Some time was taken off for some of the people at Rooster Teeth and the others carried on and buried themselves in work to ignore the pain and loss they all felt. No area of Rooster Teeth was unaffected. A month after Burnie visited their graves and sealed Ray’s letter and says “I hope it was worth it, kid.”  
Time did move on but the loss of both Ray and Joel stayed with everyone and they never forgot; they never really did.


End file.
